Do you guys think that there’s such a thing as being damaged from previous relationships? And can previous relationships really shape you? If so, how do you reverse this damage? I’ve recently begun a new relationship and I’m constantly worrying and looking for a sign that something must be wrong. It hasn’t exactly been healthy for me, and I find that it’s kind of ruining part of the experience as well. Why do I worry so much? Why must something be wrong? Why can’t I just relax and be happy?
My theory: In high school I had my first serious relationship. It lasted 5 years. It’s crazy long for a first love, but that’s what it was. I was so in love with him. I gave him my everything. I believed that he was my soulmate, that we were going to get married, and live happily ever after.. You know, all that fairy tale garbage! But then I left my hometown and came to Toronto to go to college for Fashion. Our relationship was long distance for almost 8 months when he texted me on St. Patrick’s Day (yes, I remember) that he “couldn’t do this anymore”. Why? I still don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since, but I do know that my friends back home spotted him spending time with a girl he worked with while I was away. Shortly after, they started dating.
Anyways, it was a major shock to me. I thought we were both happy! But he broke my trust and he broke my heart, and now I guess I’m super afraid of it happening again. I don’t want to be taken off guard and have my heart crushed all over again. It hurt. It reallllly hurt! (I’m ashamed, but I didn’t leave my bed for a week!!) I feel like I now subconsciously think I have to protect myself and make sure I’m always prepared/can sense when my next partner’s going to break up with me. I have an obsession with making sure I notice when something’s wrong before I get hurt again.
So how do I learn to relax? How do I learn to trust that everything is okay? Do any of you know how I could stop myself from worrying so much? On a positive note, at least I can admit and accept that this is my problem. However, it’s not fair to myself or to the person I’m dating to have me constantly doubting that things are completely fine. I want to be happy (and obv I am!), but I want to fully enjoy how lucky I am to have someone who really cares about me!
I definitely think I need to stop obsessing over something being wrong. I don’t have control of whether something terrible happens or not, and I need to accept that. I need to have better trust. As much as I’d like to protect myself from getting hurt, it might happen and there’s nothing I’m going to be able to do to stop it. I have to do my best to just enjoy what I have in the moment and forget about the “what ifs”.
Of course, all of this is easier said than done! Can any of you relate? Leave a comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
- A ❤